all i need is a miracle

By my side,
you’ll never be.
By my side,
you’ll never be.

'Cause I’m fake at the seams,
I’m lost in my dreams, and
And I want you to know,
that I can’t let you go.

And you’re never coming home again,
And you’re never coming home again.

By my side,
you’ll never be.
By my side,
you’ll never be.

I wanted to tell you I changed.
I wanted to tell you that things would be different this time.

I see you, you see me,
Differently.
I see you, you see me,
Differently.

You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.
You tell me that you love me but you never want to see me again.


DISCLAIMER: These are the words from the track 'Swans' by artist 'Unkle Bob'.

signs

am not superstitious! hell.. no way would i believe in random astrology. nor would future predictions by someone who claims to have read the stars, bother me.

but, someone once told me that there is no such thing as coincidence. everything happens for a reason and has a meaning, deeper than we can grasp. so, when one of my favorite possessions, just withered and fell...without a warning, i was mortified. it was a sign. it was to tell me...to let go. to just forget that any of it happened. to erase all the memories of the past and re write them with the present. the present which is willing to embrace and cuddle me..take me away from the past.

and, it's over. am done. the past is no more. iam...the present.

a face in the mirror

dont go...he said. you are all i want..you are all i need...you are everything. dont leave me alone in this world with all its uncertainties and void. you have given a new meaning to my life. i never felt this way before. i never was a stranger to my loneliness. but now, without you, i feel incomplete. me, my thoughts, my mind...were my very good companions. now, you fill them all. you are the wind that has given me direction..you are the river that has given me the flow..you are the sunlight that has given me hope..you are the earth that has given me shelter..you are the fire that has given me the passion.. you..have given me love...

dont go...he said.

there were no words spoken. but everything, heard.
was it a face in the mirror...or the face mirrored it all...

..and we'll live happily ever after.

everyday after i get down from the bus, i have to cross this extremely busy road to reach my PS. as it is an industrial area, there are mostly only heavy vehicles carrying spare parts, raw materials, vegetables etc. there are no zebra crossings or signals which makes it all the more difficult to walk that stretch. so today, as usual, after i got down from the bus, i stood there waiting. i must have looked like a tiny speck in front of those huge goods carriers. braving the traffic, i crossed half the part...and then i was stuck. now the opposing traffic was alarming. public transport buses, huge trucks and me in the middle.

then, a goods carrier stopped right before me. i was wondering if he had a change of mind and was going to turn or do something else. i looked up the vehicle to see the driver's face through the glass window. he was waiting there and gesturing me to walk on. i stood for an instant, shocked, then with a grateful smile on my face reached the other side of the road. i turned back to see the vehicle resume it's usual course and disappear in the traffic. i dont remember the man's face nor will we ever cross paths. but this little gesture sure made me think.

the drivers and conductors in the buses here, are more human than i have seen anywhere else. while in delhi, you could be very safe on a road as long as you are inside the bus. if you are a walker, there is very low probability of you reaching your destination in a single piece..intact. the reckless driving by the blue line....public transport drivers has taken more lives than any other road mishaps summed up together.

on the other hand, in chennai, a bus driver would stop if he sees an old man waving his hand.. for it to stop....even if it is a little away from the bus stop. the conductor would never blow the whistle until all the people have safely gotten down from the bus. infact, he would mouth an automatic warning about the vehicle coming right behind the bus. and he would mostly stand up to give his seat to an old lady with a knapsack over her shoulder.

then...why is there so much of mistrust. everyone on a bus is a stranger to one another. looks like, it is safer to trust a stranger than someone we have known over a considerable period of time. i am pathetic when it comes to judging people. i somehow end up thinking that everyone is good. then why do they create situations which jeopardize a relationship?! we are social beings and so there will be communication at certain levels. is it such a huge effort for anyone to maintain the unspoken virtue..trust...between people?

so, my conclusion now is, to technically shut up..the colder and harder you become...the easier it is..to live in this world. though iam not sure..what happiness and warmth, a cold person feels. give all your love and affection to animals...they would never forget it..inspite of the fact that they hardly have all these complex thoughts ... but yes, what i do know is..if you are nice to people...oh man! you are so screwed..

Closure

he sat drinking his cup of coffee. the fate had just pronounced its verdict. the end had begun. it was now time for goodbyes. he had seen them all...the fresh smiling faces as they came in, the enthusiasm, the 'highs', the celebrations, the never ending conversations, the music of laughter, the noise of silence, the tears of parting. the shoulders that had always been there, for the support, the concern, would no longer be. the smiles that had made days..maybe weeks, the talks that had lifted spirits, the walks in silence, the dances in the rains, the comforting presence that had never left, the spark that had numbed the senses, the tolls of bells, the depth and understanding in a mere shrug or a nod, the laughter in the eyes..

the sun has set over this life..sometimes goodbye's the only way..he is still sitting with the empty coffee cup. the table now has a stain..a brown ring...a little boy comes in with a wet cloth and wipes the table clean..there's no apparent sign that he was sitting here. he gets up and walks back with thoughts and memories that no wet cloth could remove. he was not really alone now. because a random thought crossed his mind..he smiled..and walked on...

WRITER'S BLOCK

Period.

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