Up, Up and UPA

DISCLAIMER - I didn't write this one! I have split personality. Yesterday, while my 'other self' was drafting a new post, a strange creature with the head of a pig, the torso of a jackass and the rear of a baboon showed up. It snatched my laptop and began typing away! It said it was from the Andromeda Galaxy and needed to discuss the Lok Sabha Elections, 2009. Plus, it threatened to spray it's 'venom' on me, otherwise. I thought, Swine flu! No! What choice did I have. Here it goes.


After that mind blowing majority, the UPA is now set for another term, to run the largest democracy in the world. The reigning Queen successfully played all her moves and set the way for her charming, not-as-shrewd-yet, dimpled Prince! He'll learn. We all start somewhere. This is the final mandate given by the Junta. The need for 'Youngistan'. Milind Deora, Sachin Pilot, Jyotiraditya Scindia are some of the new faces who can speak English along with their local languages. They are qualified and also haven't been to jail! They have not been tainted by scams and corruption, yet. Though I was unbiased earlier, I seem to have developed a tilt in favor of these people. Hope, it all lasts. The Sensex is on a high already!

As I was glued to the T.V. the entire weekend, I witnessed all the comedies and tragedies. The Drama unfolded with the Media! Barkha Dutt, I noticed, had mellowed down a lot! She actually gave way for others to speak and wasn't loud at all! Sweet! Ever wondered what would happen if she went on Oprah's show?! A  fellow tweeter suggested. "Oprah will make Barkha cry, & then Barkha will make her cry by suing her". Goodness! 

Rajdeep Sardesai, on the other hand, was extremely charged up and it made me wonder "What's the secret of his energy?!' (Boost?! Naah. Red Bull maybe.) NDTV had this cool gadget displaying visual graphics of the votes distribution all over the country. Very fancy! But none could figure out what was going on in Shivaganga, Tamil Nadu. Amma accused Mr. P.C. of fraud while the rest of the country thought, she either hid some of the electronic ballots in the folds of her sari or swallowed them. Anyway, Mr. Chidambaram emerged victorious by a narrow margin. There were celebrations on Sun TV while Jaya TV began the telecast of Tamil songs. No more headlines flashing there.

Nothing could help Behenji either. She instead blamed the 'confused' Muslims for her downfall. Well, seriously, we were all confused. What were you up to?! Thankfully, we would still have computers and can speak in English. The cycle had a flat tyre and crashed! And, in spite of of all the hate speeches, Varun won from Pilibhit. Posters in Pilibhit said, "Yeh haath.. mujhe de Thakur!" Nahiin! But in the end, the hand that rocked the cradle (Rahul's) does rule the nation! Wait! Whatever happened to Mallika Sarabhai (I know you read it as Sherawat!). Remember the way she went to file her nominations? Money collected from aam aadmi in a basket. Against Mr. Advani! Well, voters did not get hypnotized by the bindi.

The efforts to drive non Maharashtrians away and polarizing, hit the Sena real hard. Didi emerged victorious after all. Laluji is all remorseful and is left tending to his buffaloes. Moral - "Be friends with the alligator until you cross the lake". Mr. L. K. Advani refused to head the Opposition. The BJP, apart from blaming each other, is now also left with the task of finding a new leader. We do hope they realize what went wrong. It's now clear that paying Google to display ads all over the Internet, doesn't help. India is, very proudly, a secular country. We peacefully coexist and expect to do so.. in years to come! 

Here's a masterpiece. An election poster you should see! The 'actual' meaning of party symbols.

P.S. This is my first post as a guest! It's on Shakthidharan's blog. Thank you for the faith and appreciation! :)

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82 comments:

muthu said...

A crisp summarization.... your alter ego would rock as a reporter...

hats off... :)

Shakthi said...

Thanks for writing this for me and improving the Adi-rate on my Valai Ezhuthu !!

Kruthika said...

gud that u actually follow politics!! am sick of it..i know i shldnt be saying this, as an indian citizen...but still...cant help it! :D

varunshridhar said...

okay! looks like the election bug din just bite Kaddu but kinda dug its teeth and left it there! phew..hatred and passion showcased perfectly well - ranging from the 'not much support' for Barkha and the 'oooh I'm in loov!! but whom do I choose' among the Dil Chahta hai trio of the current scenario(what descriptions of these three..the longest among all descriptions about people)
and yes, stick on with the alligator until u cross the river but wat if it swallows you mid way?...er..sorry thats more a question that would suit the business world ...Nice reading this yaar..

and Kudos for being a guest blogger...some people would never have such a luck.. u know who! Sob! :(

Kadambari said...

Muthu, Kika. Yea! I actually did spend the entire weekend in front of TV. This is the result! Enlightening. :)

Shakthi. Lol! The pleasure is all mine!

Varun. I would pick Sachin Pilot. Whoa! That dude is so cute! Who can say he's an MP! If I support UPA, credit goes to this guy. :P
And yea, your alligator doubt is valid! In that case, don't expect to cross the lake. Stay put. And don't sob Bhindi! Your number would come. Somebody might ask you out (to blog that is)! :D

Web Snacker said...

I am glad the BJP didn't win and I am happy to see that you share the same sentiment. Lets hope the UPA does some real work this time!!

cheers

http://www.ideasonic.com
http://websnacker.blogspot.com
http://twitter.com/websnacker

Kaddu said...

Did you think of any names for your alter ego yet? ;-)

[ni] said...

Hey.

This is my second visit to your blog and the first comment im making. I love your writing style!

Coming to the post, im really happy that UPA performed the way they did. And it would be great to see some young faces in the new government.

"Be friends with the alligator until you cross the lake". LOL.

"It's now clear that paying Google to display ads all over the Internet, doesn't help." So very true!

Keep writing!

Bhel said...

Good summary and loved the poster :-)

Bhel

sandeep varma said...

god post,the only reason i could find why Burkha was composed was because the show time,early morning @6:30, I stopped seeing CNN-IBN, Sardesai is still in a (big) fighting mood.

sammythewizzy said...

Amma hid the e-ballots in the folds of her saree? lol.. great work... i guess that explains it.. Didnt really understand how there can be a counting error in the era of EVM's (unless the people counting didnt know how to connect the machine to the reader!) .. nice post :D

sammythewizzy said...

psst.. would you mind guest bloggin for me later on???? :)

Kadambari said...

The hope is on.. Websnacker! Amen! :)

Kaddu. Naah! You have any ideas?? How about Buddhu.. or yea, Khushiji suggested Laddoo once! :D

Ni, Bhel, Sandeep. Thanks!

Sure Sam. That sounds fun! We'll plan something up. :)

Vyazz said...

Man ur alter ego summed up a real colourful picture of the Indian elections.
Its hilarious actually!!!
Oh and I checked out the election poster, man amazing interpretations!!! Saved it to my comp!!!... :D

et said...

Aww i'm not really into politics..(and sometimes pretty not aware of what's going in that area!). Now this was an awesome summary of it all. I saved all a weekend in front of TV by reading one post! :D kewl!

dmanji said...

Just to add another young turk "Jitin Prasada" to the list and not so young "Shashi Tharoor" who created history by winning by a huge margin from T'puram (Do we say UN's loss India's gain).... Jai ho !!!!

Gymnast said...

You missed out Dr.Shashi Tharoor in the list of our educated english-speaking leaders , thanks to this election.
Very entertaining post!!

*KHUSHI* said...

as Et said...I am also not much into politics bt yaa keep eye on current affairs, bt ur summary is fantastic...
what a Moral "Be friends with the alligator until you cross the lake".
keep it up dear..

Kadambari said...

Vyas, ET, Khushiji. So, I'm your elections news letter now! Glad you enjoyed it! :)

Dmanji, Gymnast. Oh yea! I completely forgot Shashi Tharoor. Darn! I was wondering if I mentioned everyone. Anyway! I came across this tweet somewhere that said, "Tharoo-i-won-the-puram". Rightly, UN's loss is India's gain. :)

Shravan | ശ്രവണ്‍ said...

that was a crisp summo.. and the intro part was funny :) a comic release before the serious post :D

Mukund said...

I am glad that after a long time we will have a stable govt. minus lalu and co... well sensex seems to be happy about it too...
Very nicely written and congrats...

Adesh Sidhu said...

Whole nation is rejoicing that few politicians lost badly and they have to eat their words. I guess it is good for this country.

The Pack said...

More than anything else...what is keeping me high about these results is Stability. We won't have to worry about by-elections or decisions on parties who do not understand economics!

Amazing presentation...by the way!

rads said...

Nice post. Thanks for refreshing ppl like me on the election drama that we miss staying abroad. That election poster totally cracked me up, actually we should be ashamed that we elect such dumb jokers.

A journey called Life said...

first things first, u alter ego has an awesome flair for bringing in the right kind of humor for a write up on politics.. this post was crisp, with the right portions of all the ingredients that make a superb write up!

Kadambari said...

Thank you Shravan and Aparna.

Mukund, Adesh, The Pack. Exactly! The stability comes as such a relief.

We don't have much of a choice Rads. That's why such Jokers keep popping up. Hopefully, we get some sensible folks once a while! :)

Ishu said...

Nice, crisp write up.. And oh the twitpic cartoon was hilarious!!!

Amol Naik said...

Halloeeeyaa...

Nice quick summary of election results!

It was indeed interesting to see that the majority people did not want to see (India turning into Pakistan) unstable anarchy....

My Geeta-Gyan says'

"Jo hota hain aacche ke liye hi hota hain....",

"tathastu!!!"

Vishal said...

hmmmmmmmm.....
well Politics is a folded book...that's why no one could read it perfectly....
If u tried and start to read it, may be at that time the story of the next page may started to change itself...and u was unable to know how it happened......……isn't it...?

Pushkar said...

My suggestion -- submit this to a local english newspaper, they will be overjoyed. Excellent coverage!

Kadambari said...

Thanks Ishu, Amol.

That' true Vishal. It's unpredictable. But at least for now, looks like we might have some stability!

That's a compliment, Pushkar! Thanks a ton! :D

Pushkaraj said...

Very well written - your alter-ego alternates seamlessly between blunt and tongue-in-cheek comments!
My addition about Barkha Dutt. I don't understand why she is so obsessed by the possibility of Rahul Gandhi being in the cabinet. Rahul himself has been candid on this matter more than once. Right NOW, even as I am typing this, she is asking the same question to Shashi Tharoor and Farooq Abdullah. And they have both given them the same answer - that this is something for the PM to decide. In the last three days, I have heard Sachin Pilot (cute dude, to use your description!), Milind Deora, Kapil Sibal, Rajiv Shukla, Sheela Dixit, Omar Abdullah and now the two gentlemen mentioned earlier - ALL telling her same thing exactly. I hope she understand the difference between being persistent and being daft.

ramya said...

OH well!
My Dad said the same thing - "why is that Barkha so calm!". By the way, the Vasu Journalist is so damn cute. I was watching the whole thing just for him!! ;-)
I noticed that Jaya TV had songs in it...i thought that it WAS a music channel.Oh, I am so silly!
I dont know anything to comment because I am not into politics, much to the despair of my following-politics-religiously-so-that-I-can-mock dad!

As the Mind Meanders said...

I think barkha was dissapointed... She would have been happier with a hung parliament... more news to cover then...

KarSub said...

Oye Kaddu, Kaddu Oye!

Lovely post. I've never been able to speak politics. I thought you were going to say "she either hid some of the electronic ballots in the folds of her cheeks" but was delighted to see the sentence end in sari.

I don't twitter as well, so I can't send a million twits(?) Just let me know what it will take for me to get you to do a guest write.

Kaddu said...

Definitely not 'Buddhu'! This post couldn't possible have been done by a 'buddhu'! And 'laddoo'.... ummm... is it really necessary to think of something that rhymes with 'Kaddu'?

Btw, I like this concept of 'guest post'. Can u plz elaborate on this... how exactly is it done? :-/ Let me subscribe to the comments first though... I always forget to do it with this kinda comment form... :p

calvy said...

Thy doppleganger should certainly feature on a regular interval:)Crisp concise and at its comic best...this post deserves an astounding applause:)

Tangerine said...

not a fan of politics but i did read ur post and i might i ask... is ur alter ego works hot shot reporter?

deluded said...

wow.

people are actually interested in politics.

wow.

raghu said...

I am happy as long as there is no third front...and Jayawati Mi not being our PM...

For UPA...I guess their young candidates did the trick...but good to have a economist leader and secular govt...than a religiously inclined govt...

But no body witnessed the rise of a mass hero in tamilnadu "Pazhagiri" the man....seriously he was the man behind theemookaa for this elections...I hear rumors that he had to intervene in Shivaganga district to get Chidambaram on the winnning ways...

this was more of a pre meditated elections in TN atleast...but so sad...even http://lkadvani.in couldnt make an impact for this poor man...

Kadambari said...

Pushkaraj, Calvy, Deluded. Thanks! :)

Ramya, Tang. I don't follow politics as such. But it was a weekend and had nothing else to do! Hence, the result! :)

Meandering mind. Exactly. Looks like she was hooked to the word! Every five minutes, possibility of a hung parliament!

Kartik, Kaddu. Thanks! And regarding guest blogging, it's no sweat. Just find someone whose style of writing you like and ask them out! (to blog for you that is! :D). And Kartik, some chocolates would be just fine! :P

Shivaganga was a complete mess, Raghu. And of course we know of 'Pazhagiri's' ways. Fraud and violence! And now he's set to become a central minister quite likely!

raghu said...

but kudos to Rajdeep Sardesai and he can shout to all the extent he wants...as to my knowledge just the day before the elections CNN-IBN's exit polls were the only ones predicting a victory for theemookaa when NDTV and others almost declared a clean sweep for aaatheemookaa...

btw any comments on thanga thalaivar...karuppu mgr...engal captain??

Kadambari said...

Hehe! Captain ah! His flaming red hair and white clothes completely shocked voters I guess. That's why he was nowhere to be seen post polls. People realized there was no point voting for these actors (who dance with women half their age) turned politicians! Yea, if Super Star Rajnikant ever decides to run for CM, well, he'll win.. hands down! He's the GOD here. :)

Sindhu said...

I'm not very knowledgeable on Indian politics, but I know there has been a lot happening on that front back in India. This post was a pretty good summary of it - and since it was written well, I enjoyed reading it too!

Zillionbig said...

hehe, you are right, humourous read that was. I have joined you in the follow list, hope its OK. You seem to be one popular blogger, like Amitabh Bachchan of bloggers? Lady bachchan there. TC:)))

Hopeless Romantic said...

hey...my first visit here..n loving every post of urs...u hv a new follower...do visit!

keep penning !
amit

Kadambari said...

Thanks, Sindhu.

Zillionbig, that's really good to know! A huge compliment that is! Thanks! :)

Hopeless Romantic, thanks a ton! :)

DPhatsez said...

A swine wrote this? Sigh! what's this world coming to! Tch! :D

Good job

Vishal said...

Hi....
"World's Oldest Blogger Granny Dies in Spain at 97"
This is my news post and you are invited to participate in a poll.

Gautam said...

well it's all so confusing in politics ...neways like the idea of split personaliy....

May i bring it to your notice....your blog did'nt open in IE8 i later tried in fire fox n it did open....

grover vipul said...

Queen, prince...????? Are we living in a Democracy or a Kingdom? Indian masses have given Congress the mandate, so I have no right to question it. However, the likes of Rahul Gandhi, Deora, Pilot and Scindia whom you have so emphatically mentioned as future of India are there not there just because of their personal 'qualifications' but because of their surnames. These princes may be good at their work, however there are many others who might be better but dont get a chance because they are 'lesser born'. True victory of 'Youngistan' will take place when just any youngster can dream of making it big in politics without the backing of their family names.

Gigi said...

Nice blog you have here.

jome said...

politics? 4 years of BITS and now u become interesting ? :) No fair!

Kadambari said...

Thanks DPhat! Swines are not to be taken lightly! :)

I checked your post, Vishal. And my vote is on!

Thanks for letting me know, Gautam. I never knew of such an error. Shall check it out.

You're right Vipul. At least we are moving towards change. That's a consolation.

Thanks Gigi!

Oye! Jomey! What to do.. Thanks to PS.. I read so much and hence the 'gyaan'! Muahaha.

Vishal said...

Thnx Kadambari......

Parv Kaushik said...

hey nice and funny take on the political drama of the elections.. sad for BJP tho... thy were close and thy really worked hard...

apurvadesai said...

Well done

I like this phrase in your posting--

India is, very proudly, a secular country. We peacefully coexist and expect to do so..in years to come!

nsiyer said...

I liked the write up. Interesting and I will visit yiur blog.

Sumedh said...

I saw your post on an indiblogger topic about the template. Since you liked those spirals so much, it is odd that the background is not fixed and moves off as you scroll the blog page. If, indeed, you don't want that to happen, there is an easy fix. Open your template HTML, scroll down just a bit till you come to:
body { background: #f3f2e8 url(http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh92/eblogtemplates/dilectio/bp.gif) no-repeat center top;
and add the word 'fixed' (without inverted commas) after no-repeat.

Kadambari said...

True, Parv. It's so unpredictable.

Apurva, NSIyer.. Thanks! :)

Ohh.. I have tech support now! That's one brilliant tip, Sumedh! I can't handle too much of technicalities.. This one seems fine! Thanks a ton! :D

Aw.S.M said...

Politics has never actually been my cup of tea but i kinda liked it this time around. I liked the way the BJP made idiots outta themselves but the highlight for me of this successful campaign of the congress has been Rahul Gandhi. The dude stepped up and he is definitely going to be hard to beat next time around.

Nice Stuff

luv
amith

Nikhilesh said...

Somehow stumbled here, ended up spending a lot of time. You make a lot of sense. I'd have to spend twice as much time if I start commenting. So just this short one: be blessed with wit always. :)

sawan said...

this is the best election review post ive read! cheers to u grl.. luvd it..

and respects for such a beautiful analysis.

Kadambari said...

Hope so too, Amith.

That'sweet! Thanks Nikhilesh. And Sawan. :)

Enduring Spirit said...

Reading your piece doesn't leave any doubts in my mind.. you indeed are one of those rare ones.. the enlightened Indian citizens..

It was very well written !

The new govt.. well, they have alreaqdy started showing their colours.. I never expected this , after mumbai atleast..!!

Samby.

Enduring Spirit said...

Oh and that election poster was great..Thanx for sharing !

BrownPhantom said...

Well researched and a balanced article
Cheers to the Indian Democracy :).

Raghav said...

All that is ok... did you vote?

Jarlin said...

Good one...

Kadambari said...

That's a compliment.. Enduring Spirit.

BP, Jarlin. Thanks.

Raghav. That's the worst part. I couldn't. 'Coz I'm here temporarily and my voter's ID card is elsewhere! Woes of being a nomad.

Raghav said...

My voter's id is just one nights travel from my work place... so i managed to do my DUTY!

and is there a postal voting system in India for "nomad"-s, some say 'yes' and some say 'no'

it seems like a 'no' to me so far...

post something on postal voting if have some info

Choco said...

Haha. Wow Kadambari. You really have your politics down cold. This post was pure genius and a complete riot!
Keep it up :)

Kadambari said...

Good you did your part of the Duty! There's no provision for nomads Raghav. Though they claim you reapply and get your name included in the voters list.. it takes really long! And well.. by the time they would finish doing it, I would have moved! Irony! :D

I'm not too sure about the Postal voting system.. Will probably look that up.

Thanks Choco! :)

Websnacker said...

Hi Kadambari,

a pig snatching your laptop, alterego..timewarp! shades of the movie donnie darko here but very well done.

cheers

WS

अनिल कान्त : said...

i like ur writing style
lovely

मेरी कलम - मेरी अभिव्यक्ति

Kadambari said...

WS, Anil, :)

lafemmereva said...

to me and maybe its just me barkha barks!!!

vinni said...

I wouldn't call myself an expert in politics, but yes the way BJP went about with their campaign they had every reason to lose. Instead of focusing on core issues when the agenda is made to taint one of the most respected PM ever, things would go wrong.

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